Men are not always the one in control

In the traditional script of dating, men have often been cast as the lead players, the ones who pursue, plan, and pave the pathway of romance. This long-standing social narrative has placed men in a position of control—or at least created the illusion of it. But as society evolves and the dating scene becomes more diverse and egalitarian, the notion that men are always the ones in control is being challenged and deconstructed.

The Evolution of Gender Roles in Dating

Dating, historically, has been enmeshed with cultural expectations and gender roles that dictated how a man should act and how a woman should respond. However, as gender roles have become more fluid, so has the concept of control in dating. Men are no longer expected to be the sole initiators, nor are women expected to be passive participants. Women today are just as likely to take the initiative, and the dating dialogue has become more of a mutual exchange than a one-way conversation.

The Myth of Control

The idea that one person has control in the dating process is largely a myth. Dating is a dance that requires input and cooperation from both parties. When one person takes unilateral control, it can lead to a power imbalance that is unhealthy and unsustainable. True connection is built on respect, communication, and shared effort, where both individuals have an equal say in the direction and flow of the relationship.

Communication as the Great Equalizer

Effective communication has emerged as the great equalizer in modern relationships. In the age of digital dating, where conversations often start long before meeting face-to-face, both parties have the opportunity to express their intentions, desires, and boundaries. This open dialogue can ensure that both individuals are on the same page, dispelling the notion that control needs to be in the hands of one person.

Consent and Mutual Respect

The understanding and practice of consent have become central to modern dating. With the rise of movements that advocate for bodily autonomy and respect, the script has changed. Consent requires active participation and agreement from both individuals, undermining the outdated concept of a single controlling entity in dating.

The Impact of Online Dating Platforms

Online dating platforms have democratized the dating process. With the ability to match, message, and meet a diverse range of people, the control is equally distributed. Features like Bumble, where women make the first move, are indicative of a broader shift in dating dynamics. These platforms allow for a more balanced field where anyone can initiate and take charge of their dating life.

Independence and Individualism

As societies place greater value on individualism and personal freedom, this translates into dating behaviors as well. Individuals now enter the dating scene with their own set of goals, experiences, and expectations, and they navigate the process in ways that align with their personal autonomy. This shift encourages a dating landscape where control is shared, and individual agency is respected.

Empowerment Through Equality

The shift towards equality in dating has been empowering for all genders. Recognizing that men do not always have to be in control has alleviated pressure and allowed for more authentic interactions. Likewise, acknowledging that women can take control has fostered a sense of empowerment and agency.

Navigating Vulnerability

With a more balanced approach to control comes the necessity to navigate vulnerability. When neither party holds all the control, both may feel more exposed. This vulnerability is not a weakness but an opportunity to forge deeper connections built on mutual trust and understanding.

The Role of Society and Culture

Cultural narratives and societal influences continue to play a role in shaping dating behaviors. As these influences become more inclusive and diverse, they provide a backdrop for a dating culture that is less about control and more about partnership.


The dynamics of dating are evolving, and with them, the understanding of control. In modern dating, control is not a trophy to be won by one gender. It’s a shared responsibility that requires consent, communication, and a willingness to be equals. Men are not always the one in control, nor should they feel compelled to be. By embracing a more balanced approach to dating, individuals can experience relationships that are fulfilling, respectful, and rooted in mutual empowerment. This evolution speaks to a broader societal progression towards equality, one that values the contributions and autonomy of all individuals in the romantic sphere.